Spiritual Divorce is a great book written by Debbie Ford. I found out about Debbie Ford when I was reading Emergence by Derek Rydall. He spoke about Debbie’s work regarding the shadow side of our personalities. That made me interested in Debbie’s work. When I looked up Debbie’s books online, I found out that she also had a book on divorce which was write up my alley since I’ve been going through a divorce for over a year. Her book was very helpful. I’ve already done some of the work in her book on my own since going through a divorce for over a year will do that to you. It also helps that I love self-help, so I’m constantly doing some kind of self-help work. A lot of Debbie’s work was also present in Derek’s book as well.
debbie ford spiritual divorce
One of the big things that I like about Debbie’s book is the format. Each chapter has several divorce stories followed by exercises at the end of the chapter. The stories in the chapter will provide excellent examples for completing the examples at the end of each chapter. I like any self-help book that has exercises as it requires you to do work on yourself. It’s easy to read a self-help book and forget everything the next day.
Another thing that Debbie does is break the book down into seven spiritual laws.
1. Law of Acceptance – Everything is as it should be. Nothing occurs by accident.
2. Law of Surrender – When we stop resisting and surrender to the situation.
3. Law of Divine Guidance – God will do for you what you can’t do for yourself
4. Law of Responsibility – With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our own divorce drama
5. Law of Choice – Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us
6. The Law of Forgiveness – After we gave cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God for forgiveness
7. Law of Creation – Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities
If you look at the spiritual laws, you can tell that they were influenced by recovery. Debbie Ford went through 12 step programs herself.
First you must accept your situation, then you must surrender what you can’t control. If you have gone through divorce, there is a lot to accept and surrender. It’s easy to blame everything on the other person in the divorce. This is what Debbie wants you to avoid. If you are constantly blaming the other person, you will never heal yourself.
A lot of the work that Debbie has you do is re-framing your viewpoint. That’s not to say that she doesn’t allow room for anger. She allows you to get out your anger in many ways which is interesting. Many self-help experts don’t encourage this, but Debbie says that venting your anger physically and mentally will help. She doesn’t say to do this endlessly though. She allows you to vent for a bit, but then you must move on.
People often bottle up a lifetime of issues and don’t let them out. That’s why Debbie has so many exercises in this book. Not only are you supposed to do the work related to your divorce, but you should also do the work from your childhood.
Debbie brings a unique perspective on divorce. She says that everything happens for a reason and this was refreshing to me. It’s easy to look at a failed marriage and wish you hadn’t met the person, but Debbie says that we met our partners for a reason. I agree with this. I think we meet the people in our lives for a reason. If the relationship fails, then the relationship forces us to look at what failed. Why did we enter that relationship if it wasn’t right for us. If you don’t analyze your role in your divorce, then you are very likely to repeat it as many divorce lawyers will tell you.
Once you have accepted and surrendered to the situation, Debbie has many exercises to help you move on with your life. She encourages you to pray more. She also encourages you to forgive yourself and your partner for your past. Many self-help experts speak about the power of forgiveness so make sure to pay attention to this part. Once you have done this work, you are finally ready to create the life you want. This is the law of creation.
Debbie ends the book with the law of creation. The law of creation is about crafting the habits and behaviors for your new extraordinary life after or during your divorce.
There are some truly heart-breaking stories in this book of people who made themselves miserable through their divorces and for the rest of their lives. Those stories will change your viewpoint on dealing with divorce, or you will be doomed to repeat the same thing. Don’t live in pain caused by divorce for the rest of your life. Deal with the pain appropriately and move on. See your role in your divorce and heal yourself but please don’t live in your divorce for the rest of your life. Make sure to read this book today.
